Father wants tribal husband, I want a religious one…

My father wanted me to marry a person from our tribe, but this person is not religious, and culturally very different from me. I refused. My father is now being verbally abusive and keeps humiliating me privately and in front of other family members and relatives… he is saying that if I don’t marry his choice, I can forget marrying… I am getting on in my 20s, and fear living unmarried… but I don’t feel confident about being able to marry without parents…

Allah Most High said,

“And whosoever keeps his duty to Allah, Allah will appoint a way out for him, And will provide for him from (a quarter) whence he has no expectation. And whosoever puts his trust in Allah, He will suffice him. Lo! Allah bringeth His command to pass. Allah has set a measure for all things.” [Qur’an, 65.2-3]

Walaikum assalam wa rahmatullah,

1. You have a full right to seek an upright and religious spouse—whether through your family or, if they aren’t able, yourself through other routes.

2. You have full right to refuse anyone unsuitable whether for reasons of religion or compatibility, even if your family insists.

3. Your family has full right that you treat them with respect.

4. However, you have full right to be firm about both #1 and #2.

5. You should seriously consider seeking the counsel, support, and guidance of reliable local scholars. It is your right to marry, and to seek the right means to do so. It is also your right that you be treated properly, and not subjected to verbal and emotional abuse.

And Allah alone gives success.

Wassalam,

Faraz Rabbani