My Husband Doesn't Want Children Now

wI am 25 and my husband is 28. We have been married 9 months and are both working but living with relatives. We are planning inshaAllah to move on our own in January. Thing is I really very much want to start having children soon, but my husband wants to wait 2 or more years. I''m really unhappy with this decision. His reason is he wants us to save money and possibly continue his studies, pay his debts and save for our future. I''m very happy with my husband and our marriage but I''m very much desiring to be a mother sooner rather than later. Shouldn''t he have more trust in Allah?

In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.

Praise be to Allah.

May the peace and blessings of Allah shower upon our beloved Messenger.

Dear Sister,

The key to resolving this situation is to maintain open, loving communication with your spouse. A woman's heart may yearn for children, while her husband may want to wait. Sometimes the reverse is true: he's ready right away and she wants to wait.

I know that the maternal urge is very strong. But it's also important to consider both the short and the long term. An important decision such as this one should be mutual.

I do suggest that you give your husband a little more time for the simple reason that you are still newlyweds. Becoming parents completely changes your life. It is very beneficial for husband and wife to establish a firm marital foundation and a solid relationship before having children. Then when the stresses of parenthood come into play, husband and wife have a repository of strength, love, and friendship to draw upon.

Trust me, having kids can be stressful, albeit the stress is good stress. Take this time to enjoy each other and the activities that become very difficult or even impossible to do once you start a family.

It's also important to make your expectations very clear to your husband. While you may be willing to wait a while, let him know that you don't want to hold off indefinitely. Now is the time to understand how the female body works. Most women are in their childbearing prime in their 20s. After a woman reaches age 30 or 35, her fertility begins to decline and conception does become more difficult. So it's a good idea to set a date so to speak and look forward to the anticipation of conception and parenthood. It's a wonderful thing to plan for.

I don't think it's an issue of your husband not trusting in Allah Most High enough. Give him the benefit of the doubt. You live with relatives, and he wants to continue his studies. When you have your own family, you will definitely want your own space. I think he's also being prudent to consider your finances. Having children requires some income. For example, there's the cost of prenatal care, your hospital stay, decorating the nursery, laying in all those supplies, as well as your child's well-baby visits. It is actually in your future child's or children's best interests for Mom and Dad to be as prepared as possible.

Last, but certainly not least, both of you should make istikhara. Turn to Allah Most High for guidance in all situations; Allah willing you will make the best decision. And emphasize the sunna of our beloved Messenger, may Allah bless him and grant him peace. The Prophet loved children and taught his Ummah to be kind and generous to the young. Abu Hurairah (may Allah be pleased with him) narrated that Allah's Messenger (peace be upon him) said, "When a man dies, accrual of merit in his favor from good deeds ceases except from three actions: 1. A charity which continues after his death; 2. Knowledge left behind from which men continue to benefit, and 3. Righteous offspring who pray for him." (Muslim 4005)

Additionally, please see these answers on SunniPath:

1. Husband Does Not Want Children: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/hanafi/message/6222

2. I Am Still A Student, But My Wife Wants To Have Children: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/hanafi/message/5830

May Allah Most High bless you and your husband with a strong marriage and the joys of parenthood.

And Allah knows best.