Confusion about marriage

In the name of Allah, the most Compassionate, the most Merciful.

Finding a spouse can be difficult. Men and women are introduced to each other different ways. Sometimes, parents or friends will introduce the couple. Other times the potential spouses may find each other. Intrinsically, there is nothing haram, or illicit, in either. However, certain actions could make the action haram. For example, if the parents introduce the couple, they cannot force the couple to get married.

In your case, where you found each other, it is haram to act like a married couple until you have a valid marriage contract. It is common that the man and women begin regular communication with each other. This can easily happen as both parties intend to learn about one another for marriage, and to decide whether they are suitable for each other. But, conversing for hours over the phone or instant messaging, or laughing and joking about the unnecessary is not permissible. Rather, this is called "falling in love", and this is not the sunna of Islam before marriage. Allah Most High, is the creator of love and he is the one who bestows it. Trying to steal it before it becomes halal, will only lead to greater problems. What if the marriage never takes place?

It seems to me, and I do not mean to be harsh, that if you were serious about this man, you would have informed your parents about him as soon as you decided that you wanted to marry him and would not have gotten emotionally involved, but rather saved that for the right time.

Right now, you need to make a decision. If you are serious about him and more importantly, about yourself and your religion, stop becoming more attached to him by cooling down your communication with him. There is no point since you don't even know that this marriage can even happen. Talk to your parents with complete honesty and tell them how you feel. If they reject him due to his culture, be respectful, listen and don't talk back. Ask them to give him a chance by meeting him and ask them to pray istikhara, as you should, too. It is haram for your father to reject a spouse without valid reasons that are based on mere "culture" or "tradition."

If it still does not work, you have to make another decision. Is it worthwhile for me to keep fighting to marry this man for much longer and cause a family rift? Or should I obey my parents and wait for another suitable match? Is my unbiased istikhara for marrying him positive? If I have to fight to marry him now, will life after marriage get harder or easier? In sha Allah, whether you decide to pursue him or not, that will be the best thing for you.

I also earnestly advise you not to get emotionally involved with any man until he is accepted by your family, yourself and above all, by the Prophet, may Allah bless him and give him peace. Acceptance of the Prophet means when your relationship is legitimized according to Islamic law under the auspices of marriage.