Marriage prospects and father's drinking
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Question
salaam,
i would like to know two questions but inter-related to each other in a way. first i like to know a satisfactory answer to this question which is bothering me so much. when ever there comes some proposal (once in a blue moon) people come and enquire about my family from neighbours , and when they come to know my father's repute of habitual drinking they turn back , i am almost 30 and this problem persists .kindly tell me what should i do i really want to get married as soon as possible. why is this where is my taqdeer ?is my taqdeer connected with my fathers ?why should i suffer the sins of my father? is there any sort of TAQDEER written for a woman,or she is merely again some sort of sacrificial thing in this world? you might find this quite rude i am sorry for this please accept my apologies. thanks.
Answer
In the Name of Allah, the Gracious, the Merciful.
Dear Sister,
I pray this message finds you in better circumstances.
I don't find your question rude. Au contraire, I think you have a right to be concerned.
First, you need to sit down and have a serious conversation with your father. Tell him that his drinking is jeopardizing his religion, his health, your happiness, and your future. Offer to help him. Is there an Alcoholics Anonymous or some other support group in your area? You need to get your father the professional help he deserves. Alcoholism is a disease. As Muslims, we too suffer from this disease and should not be ashamed to seek help.
Second, your fate is not connected to your father's. Before a person is even born, Allah Most High knows that person's outcome. Allah Most High says in the Qur'an, "Nor can a bearer of burdens bear another's burdens if one heavily laden should call another to (bear) his load. Not the least portion of it can be carried (by the other). Even though he be nearly related. Thou canst but admonish such as fear their Lord unseen and establish regular Prayer. And whoever purifies himself does so for the benefit of his own soul; and the destination (of all) is to Allah." (Fatir, 35:18)
You are certainly not responsible for your father's drinking and it is wrong for people to blame you.
The next time someone comes along, make it very clear to them that you have absolutely no responsibility for your father's bad habits. We all have people in your families who make mistakes. What we should do is pray for their guidance and do all we can to help.
And Allah knows best.
This answer was published by SunniPath and is preserved as written. Rulings can depend on circumstances; for your own situation, consult a qualified scholar.
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