My husband's family rejects me...

 

I recently got married alhamdulillah and we are very happy. However his family is not. They have been against me from the start. I am a convert to Islam and not a Pakistani. His family is very cultural and his older brothers, a younger sister and younger brother are all having arranged marriages, he is the odd one out so to speak. After we told them we wanted to get nikkah in Shawwal as this is the month with the most baraka (blessing), they did not mention it. We went ahead with the nikkah without either of our family as I am the only Muslim it did not make much difference I had a wakeel and we held it on a Friday after isha in a mosque with just 13 people including ourselves. Alhamdullilah Allah (swt) helped us on this day as it started to rain as I walked to the mosque! I am very well known in the Muslim community all over the UK as I am president and lecturer and teacher of Islamic studies to girls and ladies.

As his family hate me so much they do not talk to my husband about me, he was kicked out and now has been accepted back in. They assume that he was lying about the nikkah and do not talk about it. They have said that if he has me as a wife then he is also to have BV#2 from Pakistan to which he said NO. I have given his family quranic proof, ayats, hadiths, shariah evidence to show that what we have done is right in the eyes of Allah (swt) and the sunna of our beloved Rasool (pbuh). What can I do as I do not want them to make our life any more difficult. We are trying to find our own home, he is now with his family and I am with mine. Now we have been married for three months he has gone back home but no mention of his wife. No call on eid no salam just oh no our son is married to a gori! (white lady) I would not mind but I am not white I am a Muslim (Hispanic)

Please please please help me I really need some one's help. The community has stabbed me in my back. I have no one. What can I do/say to make this situation better?

Assalamu alaykum

In the name of Allah Most Gracious Most Merciful

This is an unfortunate situation and one that many new converts and couples in mixed marriages have to encounter. However, perseverance and good character should see you through this, insha Allah.

Although his family may understand full well that your marriage to their son  is completely lawful according to the Shari'a, they may not want to stand up to the reality of it for different reason. It may be certain cultural concerns that are forcing them to act this way; promises to other relatives that their son will marry their daughter, etc. Obviously these are not always Islamic concerns but nonetheless it is sometimes an unfortunate reality.

The manner in which there are dealing with you may be to alienate you and make you feel irrelevant so that their son may begin to feel the same way about you and divorce you. Only Allah knows. This is why its very important to, at all times, be loving and caring to your husband, show a strong character and strengthen the bond between you. At the same time, act with kindness to your in-laws as well and show them that they are wrong and you can be the perfect daughter in-law for them. We learn from the sira of the Messenger of Allah (upon him be peace) that many a time his kindness even turned his enemies into his friends.

You stated that the two of you are due to find your own home. This will be one way to ease the situation, insha Allah. Remember that Allah is with you, even though all the people may be against you, as long as you are mindful of him. Do not forget that these trials will elevate your status in Allah's sight if you persevere. And He is the Knower of all.

Wassalam
Abdurrahman ibn Yusuf

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