Reasons to divorce an errant wife

 
 

I would like to ask what, are permissible reasons to divorce one’s wife. Beginning of the marriage my wife use to pray and do the hijab (Although she never use to before the marriage). She even went for umrah. We have been married for 6 years now and have 2 children. The life has been very very difficult for past 3 ½ years. My wife does not pray anymore or now and then sometime. She stopped wearing the hijab for past 2 years. When I asked her why you stopped wearing the hijab, she said: "it was my decision to wear and it is my decision not to wear." She goes to hair dresser every month for haircut and her hair are almost above the shoulders.

She has become very fashionable and makes sure she is looking good (Hair style, make up) when she needs to go out even when she goes out to local shop or drop children off to school. We have cut off ties with all our relatives for last 2-3 years because she thinks they are not good people.  Even I was told that once my mum and dad pass away then some of my relatives cannot come to our house. I have minimum rights over our children as the rights are limited to country where we live. I cannot take the children to see their grandparents (My Mum/Dad) neither she wants to come with me to take the children to see their grandparents.

The only wish I have  in my life is to have a noble wife who has passion for Islam, observes hijab, prays regularly and live rest of our lives according to Sunnah of our  Beloved Prophet Peace Be Upon Him. She thinks wearing the hijab is backward people style same as her mum thinks. I have talked to her many times regarding namaz or hijab but no luck. I feel ashamed when we need to go out together because she is not dressed Islamically and not wearing the hijab.

I can not take it anymore. She does not pay zakat on her gold even though I told her that we had some money in the bank but she preferred spending that money on house improvement and without my permission. I have tried to talk to her bringing independent people in and she can tell them what problems she has from me and I can explain what problems I have and see if we can reach to a compromise or decision but she does not want that as well. I just can not stand to live like this non-Islamic way. Is it ok for me to make the decision for separation/divorce on grounds purely based on to look for some respect, live rest of my life according to Sunnah but nothing else.

Assalamu alaykum

In the name of Allah, The Inspirer of truth.

Since you have two children with her this makes the issue more difficult and there are many points to consider. What will become of the children and her if you divorce her? If you divorce and then have to spend the rest of your life paying for her and the children's maintenance, then is it not better to remain together and have some control and influence over your children? Will you gain sufficient custody over the children and be able to continue teaching them about Islam and bringing them up as good Muslims?

These are some of the questions that you need to deal with before you take the option of divorce. The legal responsibility of the husband in this case is to advise her first (as you have done) and then take the other subsequent measures as mentioned in verse 34 and 35 of Surat al-Nisa' (details found in previous posts on Hanafi list). If that does not work (as may be the case) then find an arbitrator to speak to you both and try to resolve the situation that way.

Although it is permissible to divorce in a case where reconciliation and the regaining of mutual love and respect become very difficult, however, all efforts must be made to avoid it if one can reasonably do so. It would also help to have some reliable scholar in your locality or otherwise arbitrate the case and advise you on the most appropriate option to take.

And Allah knows best.

Wassalam
Abdurrahman ibn Yusuf