My wife annoys me a lot, but she is righteous... what do I do?

My wife annoys me a lot. She is a righteous woman, but she entered Islam relatively recently and thus finds difficulty in applying a lot of the Islamic & Arabic customs. I sometimes incline to divorcing her, but she doesn’t have a family or anyone to take care of her… so what do I do?

In the Name of Allah, Most Merciful and Compassionate

May His blessings and peace be on His Beloved Prophet, the best of creation, and his family, companions, and followers

My advice to you would be not to hasten to divorce her, because the harms of divorce are generally greater than its benefits, particularly in consideration of what you have mentioned—that she doesn’t have a family or those who would take care of her—as this could land her in trials and tests whose end is not to be praised.

As for your complaint about being annoyed: some of this may be things that should be overlooked and ignored, such as some of the customary proprieties related to food, sleep, and the like. Don’t be demanding in such matters, particularly given that she has only recently converted to Islam. At the same time, try to make her aware of the virtue of those proprieties, in order that she herself become motivated to follow them, without feeling hardship in doing so.

You should exercise wisdom in improving relations between the two of you. Show her deep affection, and true love; make a lot of du`a for her, and perform the prayer of need (salat al-haja), and Allah will not make your hopes fail.

And Allah alone gives success.

Shaykh Amjad Rasheed, Tarim.

(Translated by Faraz Rabbani)

Faraz notes: I would highly recommend Ustadha Hedaya Hartford’s work, Islamic Marriage: Starting out on the right foot [see: http://islamicbookstore.com/b7955.html ]

Shaykh Amjad Rasheed is a Jordanian Shafi`i faqih and PhD in Islamic Law. He has studied under top scholars in Jordan, Syria, and Tarim, and obtained ijazas from his teachers. He is a student of Shaykh Nuh Keller, and is currently teaching the Shariah sciences, including high-level texts in Shafi`i fiqh and usul, at the Faculty of Shariah in Tarim (Hardamawt, Yemen) under the guidance of his teacher the noble faqih and mufti Shaykh Muhammad al-Khatib.

السؤال: زوجتي تزعجني كثيراً - هي امرأة صالحة لكنها دخلت في الإسلام فتجد صعوبة في تطبيق الكثير من العادات العربية الإسلامية - أفكر أحياناً أن أطلقها ، لكن ليس لها أهلٌ أو من يعتني بها فماذا أفعل ؟

الجواب : الذي أنصحك به أن لا تستعجل الطلاق ؛ لأن مفاسده في الغالب أكثر من مصالحه خصوصاً لما ذكرته من عدم وجود أهل لها يقومون على رعايتها فقد تأخذها الفتن إلى ما لا تحمد عقباه .

أما ما تشكو منه من انزعاجك منها فقد يكون جزءٌ منه يُقبل التسامحُ فيه والتغافل عنه كبعض الآداب في الطعام والمنام ونحوها فلا تدقق عليها في ذلك كثيراً خصوصاً أنها حديثة الإسلام مع محاولة تنبيهِها على فضيلة تلك لتبادر هي من نفسها إلى القيام بها دون كلفة .

وعليك بالحكمة في إصلاح الحال بينكما فأظهر لها المودةَ والمحبةَ الصادقة ، وأكثرُ من الدعاء وصلاة الحاجة في هذا الشأن فان يخيب الله رجاءك .