Wife and mother relationship
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Question
I would like to seek help through Qur'an and hadeeth of a difficult situation I face in my life. I was married two years ago to a girl whom my mother selected for me. After my wife came from overseas, I spent most of my time with my wife and after a few days my mother started say insulting things about my wife that my brother had said. It naturally turned in to a big fight and I left my parents' house but then came back. My ethnicity is from pakistan and we are a large family of 5 siblings mashaallah living together. I'm the eldest. There was a constant pressure on my wife that she is not able to live up to the expectations of the household in doing daily chores of the family. She tried her best but was insulted by my mother for not doing it properly. Then my wife had a baby. Alhumdulillah we had a very beautiful baby boy. My wife went to pakistan 4 months after the delivery to complete her studies. My mother tried her best to stop her from going. My mother then started a series of attacks and started calling family members in pakistan that I'm not happy with my wife and I did not even want the baby and she should stay in pakistan and no need to come back. I insisted my wife to be quiet and do sabar [be patient]. My wife's family didn't want to send her back after all the abuse she had to face but I persuaded her to come back. After a month she came back. My mother went for hajj and to Pakistan. She went and talked to my in-laws of how bad their daughter is to her. She painted a completely false picture. Someone from our family in Pakistan called my wife and told certain things to her about my mother that she got very scared and she didn't want me to even talk to mother. Unluckily I talked to my mother the same day not knowing that my wife was scared by someone else. I came home and my wife had a fight with me and I was not able to understand why she is acting so childishly. I warned her to stop or else I would lose my patience but she didn't and I stood up and tried to hit her. She got a panic attack .I called the ambulance and took her to the hospital. I told her I was going to leave her in the hospital and she went into another panic attack. I was convinced that if we lived together her health would go down. So I moved out before my parents came back. That didn't make things better.On top of that, we have a family business which hasn't worked well in 3 years. My father started the business so that I and my younger brothers could work. The problem I face is that my father is 6 months in Pakistan and 6 months here and has never been an active participant in the business. My other 3 brothers are using me to their benefit with the intentions of taking over the business as soon as it’s taken off by my efforts. My father insulted me in front of the employees that I’m not good to my mother, despite the fact that I sent my brother, mother, father and sister for hajj past season from my own income. I have contributed to 60 percent of my parents’ expenses over the last 9 months. My mother has attacked, insulted, and cursed me and my wife on messages she has left on my voic mail. I’m not talking to my parents because I do not want to say anything to them that would hurt them. As far as my brothers are concerned, if my business works out then I will take care of all their expenses and all their financial needs but will not allow them to have a say in the business because I feel they are not honest.
What do I do? On one side I do not want to say anything to my parents. They are mentally torturing me and my wife. And on the other hand I’m going to take over a business which is as of today at 0 value because of its current sales.
This answer was published by SunniPath and is preserved as written. Rulings can depend on circumstances; for your own situation, consult a qualified scholar.
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