Is this divorce?
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Question
I know of a man who told his wife that if her mother came to their house again it will be divorce, it will be divorce, it will be divorce (three times). His wife's mother did visit them soon after. Is the divorce final? Thereafter, the man took a fatwa from some "maulvi" who said that it was not really divorce and that the man and his wife could live together as a married couple. So they did. The man has been extremely abusive, both physically and emotionally, to his wife and three children all his life. Apart from providing financial support, he has never really been a father to his children and from the very first day has not been a good husband spending months and years away from his wife in other cities and forcing her to stay at home and live with his also-abusive parents and brother and sisters. This man leads a wayward life (and always has) indulging in numerous extra-marital affairs with many women at the same time ... he has been doing it openly, in front of his wife and children from the time they were little. The extra-marital affairs have involved physical intimacy on many occasions as well. He also ended all physical intimacy with his wife many years ago even though there was no legitimate reason for it. His wife has been patient and kind throughout this time and has obeyed him at all times even though he has always been mean to her and has been torturing her emotionally for decades. She is a modest, righteous woman and has done everything that a woman can do to make her marriage work. The children are good too and they have always been respectful towards their father even though they know what he is like. This man has never been made to feel like he is not doing enough or that he is a bad husband or father, yet he does not stop leading the kind of life he does. In fact, he tries to show people that he is a religious man when in fact he does every bad thing he says he doesn't. He says he never lies, yet he lies all the time and also makes his children lie to others for him. He decieves other people, is not honest with anyone (not even his own parents) and has recently cut down financial support for his wife and children even though he earns well and can more than afford to continue supporting them. The wife apprised her in-laws of the situation after tolerating him for 30 years and was hoping that they would be able to help guide their wayward son. However, the in-laws took their son's side. Moreover, the man is capable of harming his wife and kids now that he knows how they feel (since the matter came out into the open because of the in-laws). The man has a history of taking revenge and inflicting serious wounds on other people. The wife and children no longer feel safe in that house and they want to leave. No rational advice has come from any quarter as yet including from so-called ulemas. What is the best course of action according to Shariah? Is it permissible for the wife and children to immigrate for the sake of their religion and their safety given that the man is refusing to be a protector of his family and in fact is perhaps the biggest threat to them?This answer was published by SunniPath and is preserved as written. Rulings can depend on circumstances; for your own situation, consult a qualified scholar.
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