The Dreaded One: Mother-in-Law Giving a Hard Time...
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Question
My friend's mother-in-law is making my friends life miserable. Her mother-in-law is emotionally abusive, manipulative and down right cruel towards her. My friend has been bearing the hurt - praying and begging her husband to move out of their home. Her Husband is working hard to save up so they can leave. In the mean time what should she be doing? My friend has not spoken back to her mother-in-law - and has allowed her own family and friends to be insulted to keep the peace in her matrimonial home. However, she's reaching a point where she is getting physically ill from the stress!! Please advise what the best course of action would be in this situation.Answer
Walaikum assalam,
First of all, the sister should turn to Allah and express her needs to Him, for He has promised that He answers the call of His servants.
Like Sidi Ibn `Ata’illah said, “Nothing is difficult, if you seek it through your Lord; nothing is easy, if you seek it through your self.”
The sister should be strong, and not get affected by such things. Being weak and reacting negatively to the actions of the mother-in-law only reinforces the latter's behavior. Rather, she should put up a strong face, and make it clear (through her actions) that she is unaffected by the "abuse."
At the same time, she should be good to her mother-in-law, and fulfill the latter's rights (which, legally, are limited to treating them with love and respect; obedience is not obligatory, unlike the husband).
Our inspiration in life is the Beloved of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace), who was instructed by His Lord, "Repel the bad deeds [of others] with that which is best, then lo! He, between whom and you there is enmity (will become) as though he was a close friend." (Qur'an, 41: 34)
The sister should do the unexpected: take the initiative, and be extraordinarily good to her mother-in-law, in clear and undeniable ways…
The Husband’s Key Role
It is essential that she make the situation clear to her husband, with love, in the best of ways.
It is the husband's duty to ensure that his mother does not interfere with the person life and affairs of his wife, and her running of their family life. The husband's failure in this regard would be regarded as oppression of his wife, and non-fulfillment of his duty towards her.
And Allah alone gives success.
Walaikum assalam,
Faraz Rabbani.
This answer was published by SunniPath and is preserved as written. Rulings can depend on circumstances; for your own situation, consult a qualified scholar.
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