Severing family relations?
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Question
I have a long and complicated story: my mother and father sponsored my maternal relatives to come to the west 15 years ago...those uncles and my maternal grandfather have molested me sexually on numerous occasions, my uncle has recently been fired from his job for viewing pornographic web sites, my uncle brought his short-wearing girlfriend to his house in his room...etc. etc. one of the same brothers wear shorts themselves (shorts that reveal the knees). So here's the problem, for the last 15 years these same maternal uncles (who by the way do not make their wives observe hijab infront of each other or anyone) and my maternal grandfather, all get extremely upset, to the point of extreme rudeness towards my parents and severing relations with my parents over my father (their brother in law) wearing shorts INSIDE HIS OWN HOME!!!!!!!!!!! we have for the last 15 years put up with their rudeness, and continued to meet with them, treated them with respect and dignity. We never severed relations with them. But my mother is now again continuously crying because her parents have also become upset with her for my father wearing shorts. They come to my house and refuse to talk to my father, don't look at him, he tries to talk nicely and kindly with them but they are SO RUDE regardless of what he is wearing. Now considering their extreme hypocrisy, and their abasing of us, (it is after all my fathers house and no one has the right to tell him what to do in his house. My dad is 55 years old and my uncles are MUCH younger than him from 27-37 years old) in our own house and at every single family gathering, and all the maternal family saying they basically hate us and do not want to have relations with us, do we still go to their house? Do we continue relations with them? They continually call and talk about my father wearing shorts, making my mother cry. My house is becoming hell....I don't know what to do. I guess one of my main points is: do they have a right to be rude and severe relations with my family over this, when their own wives wear see-through clothing, don't wear hijab, and wear short sleeves???? is that not also a woman's 'awra'??Answer
Assalamu alaykum
In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious the Most Merciful.
It seems like the problem is much greater than them just their minding your father wearing shorts if what you are saying is accurate.
It may be that there is another problem. One should attempt to get to the original problem and try to resolve that. Would there attitude change if your father informed them that he would not appear in front of them anymore with shorts on or not wear them again in the privacy of his home?
You have not mentioned whether your father wears shorts above the knees in front of them or in the privacy if his own home only. The knees are part of the man's coverable parts [awra] and as such he should not reveal himself in that state to anyone except his wife.
If maintaining a very social and close relationship with them continues to be detrimental to your family, then you may restrict it to just offering them salam, a visit maybe every now and then, or when a circumstance of happiness or sorrow calls for it.
And Allah knows best.
Wassalam
Abdurrahman Ibn Yusuf
This answer was published by SunniPath and is preserved as written. Rulings can depend on circumstances; for your own situation, consult a qualified scholar.
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