Marriageable Relations Being Forbidden by Touching

Wa'alaykum al-salam

The word sibr is defined as 'any relation of a man's wife or of a woman's husband whom it is unlawful to marry; as the father, and brother, and son, and paternal uncle and maternal uncle' [Lane's Lexicon]. The hurma al-musahara (inviolability of the above mentioned relation) refers to the unmarriageable relation between two people.

The Hanafi scholars mention that touching a member of the opposite sex establishes such a relation with the touched persons ancestors and descendants if the touch was accompanied by desire during the touching itself. The touching must been direct skin-to-skin contact, without a barrier (unless the barrier was so thin that it does not prevent feeling body heat)..

Desire here is defined as an erection or an increase in erection if the penis was already erect, with respect to the man.

With respect to the woman, very aged men, and those who do not get erections, it consists in a very strong inclination of the heart such that it clouds one's thoughts. [al-Hadiyya al-'Ala'iyya, 352]. This desire has to be present at the moment of contact and is legally inconsequential if it occurs thereafter.

The woman that one actually touched however is still permissible to marry, the only forbidden relation being her descendants (daughters, granddaughters etc) and ancestors (mother, grandmother etc).

As can be seen this is not something that occurs by mistake very easily so it should not lead to situations where one refuses to kiss one's paternal aunt goodbye, for example, out of fear that perhaps one might feel desire. That is just waswasa (baseless misgivings). However, it does mean that some degree of care should be taken when around one's mother or father-in-law and contact should be proper and restrained.

And Allah knows best.

Sohail Hanif, and Faraz Rabbani.