My Step-Father Likes Patting My Head
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Question
I live at home with my mother and her husband. he is my step dad. I observe hijaab in front of him. although there are times when I am washing up or cooking when I have to roll my sleeves up and my arms are exposed, also when he greets me he touches my head, I think this is a Pakistani tradition, is this permissible? He is trying to arrange my marriage with his close relations who aren't on the deen. Does he have a right to arrange my marriage because he is married to my mother and is my new father figure?Answer
Wa alaikum assalam,
It is not proper for him to touch your head (even though this is just a “fatherly” gesture).
I think it would be better for you to sit down with your step dad and address this. Do so in a warm manner, explaining that you appreciate the fatherly gesture, but... Be very positive and polite to any possible reaction he may have to this.
When washing make sure you are exposing the minimum amount of your arms (i.e. you roll up your sleeves only half way, rather than exposing the entire forearm when washing or cooking).
He does not have the right to arrange your marriage, but he may suggest people to you. The decision to marry someone remains in your hands.
Please go to www.SunniPath.com, and search for answers on marriage and the woman’s right to choose whom to marry.
Umm Anas
Sr. Fatima Hasan is a family counselor with a background in psychology. She studied in Damascus, and elsewhere.
This answer was published by SunniPath and is preserved as written. Rulings can depend on circumstances; for your own situation, consult a qualified scholar.
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