Marriage mess, and ‘shameful sexual contact’
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Question
I am a 24 year old married man. I have been married for two years. This marriage was arranged by my parents. At the time of my marriage I wanted to marry another girl who is Muslim but my parents refused on the ground that she is a different caste. I was emotionally pressured into marrying my cousin. Just before I had my nikah, I got back with the girl who I originally wanted to marry. I have now been seeing her for two years whilst also being married. I have also shamefully had sexual contact with her. I have grown to love my wife over this period but I also love this girl. The girl knew I got married with my cousin, but I really wanted to get back with her, so I told her I would divorce my wife. I have not divorced my wife but I have lied to this girl telling her I am divorced. I have also met her parents and asked for her rishta, they also believe I am divorced. She now wants to marry me (she thinks she will be my only wife) but I am still married. Also during this period my wife found out I was seeing a girl and I lied to my wife that I had stopped seeing her. I love both of these girls dearly and do not want to hurt any of them. I have cheated both women with deception and lies what should I do?Answer
Wa alaikum assalam,
I think it is clear to you that you have done something wrong with regard to both of these women. So the first thing I would like to advise you is that you need to repent from the way you have deceived these women. Bring to mind that Allah Most High was watching you in the midst of this behaviour and you should feel true shame before Him. Earning the wrath of Allah is a very serious matter and you have right to fear it, and how you will be accountable for these actions you have done.
I’m sure in your heart you feel that you have wronged others and are now seeking a way out. I suggest that you first turn to Allah in sincere repentance, and seek a way to rectify this situation and turn your life back to the way of piety and truth. It is He who has put these feelings of shame in your heart, and you should thank him for that. You should ask Allah to forgive your terrible transgressions against these parties.
You must not see this second woman again or correspond with her again unless you plan to take her as a second wife (which I doubt she or her parents will accept). Know that women are a great source of fitna for men (and vice versa) and this woman may be the means for you to enter the Fire. So fear Allah and cut off all contact with her. If you want to proceed to marry her, you must speak only to her parents and inform them you are still married. And if you do this also realize that it is haram to break the heart of another Muslim, so think of your first wife before such a decision is made.
Whenever you think of contacting this woman again you should make istighfar (seek Allah’s forgiveness) and not do it. Again, I advise you to fear Allah and turn your life back to the way of truth and out of this darkness. The time has come for change, and I think you realize this yourself by the mere submitting of this question by yourself.
Please go to www.SunniPath.com, and search for ‘sincere repentance’
Sincerely,
Fatima Hassan
This answer was published by SunniPath and is preserved as written. Rulings can depend on circumstances; for your own situation, consult a qualified scholar.
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