Wife Supporting Husband
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Question
I have been married for a few months. I have a full time job and my husband goes to school. He depends on me financially and I secretly resent him for it. I pay his fees and he is always asking me for money to pay for something. There are so many things I need but have to do without. I feel like the man in the marriage. I don't feel appreciated and I feel very depressed. Whenever I talk to him, I just feel disgusted by him. All I want is to be able to do my prayers, volunteer for worthy causes and be a better Muslim, but instead I am working long hours each day. From an Islamic perspective, what can I do?Answer
Wa Alaykum Assalam wa Rahmatullah wa Barakatuhu,
In the Name of Allah, Most Merciful & Compassionate
It is the husband’s obligatory duty to financially support his wife. The wife is not obliged to support her husband, even if he is needy, and this is not expected of her even if she is wealthy.
However, a believer sticks to their promises, lives up to their commitments, and strives at all times to deal with each situation in the best of ways. Thus, if you married with an understanding that you would be providing (or helping to provide) for the household, then it would be from excellence of conduct to live up to this commitment, in a reasonable manner.
If you do, out of your pure willful choice, then you will attain the reward of charity, the reward of helping someone in need, and the reward of being excellent towards your husband.
It has been related that Zaynab (the wife of Ibn Mas`ud (Allah be pleased with her and him) had financial means, and Ibn Mas`ud (Allah be pleased with him) was poor. She asked the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) whether ‘it would count’ if she provided for him. The Prophet said, “Yes. She would have two rewards: the reward of charity (sadaqa), and the reward of relationship.” [Bukhari (1466), Muslim (1000), Nasa’i (2583), and others]
But you should make it clear that your husband should not ‘expect’ this from you. And you should only do this if you are able to do so in a positive manner for the sake of Allah. Don’t do it ‘for your husband’; rather, do so seeking the good pleasure of Allah, and His reward for those who do good and act with excellence. In the same vein, deal with your husband with the positive excellence entailed by the example of the Beloved Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace). If you do, you will find that love will necessarily grow.
It has been related from many of the early righteous (salaf) that they said, “People are naturally disposed to love those who do good to them.”
And Allah alone gives success.
Wassalam
Faraz Rabbani
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This answer was published by SunniPath and is preserved as written. Rulings can depend on circumstances; for your own situation, consult a qualified scholar.
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