I want to marry him, he does not: what do I do
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Question
I'm in a very confused state of mind, primarily due to a guy who I'm interested in. He fits the criteria for marriage, some aspects anyhow. I've told him about my feelings and he responded by saying that he doesn't think it'll happen. However, I still get this force trying to change his mind, not in a haram way. He doesn't want to stop talking to me as he keeps saying that he doesn't know why he's talking to me. This in turn makes me feel very shallow and cheap, although he doesn't treat me in this way. I'm afraid that I wont feel like this about another guy for a long time, at the same time I'm hoping to get married soon. There are other proposals right now, but they just don't seem right. This is having a major impact on me me, even though I'm trying so hard to just relax. Please can u advise me on what to do? Should I give up and never speak to this guy again, or should I pray to Allah that he changes his mind?Answer
Walaikum assalam,
1. Consider whether this person is suitable.
2. Consult people whose opinion is worth taking.
3, Then pray istikhara.
[See attached answers for details.]
“Marrying For Deen”
The Prophet (Allah bless him & give him peace) himself explained that the primary consideration in choosing a spouse should be their deen.
"Deen" is a very comprehensive word. It does not only mean praying and fasting. The deen relates to one's entire life-transaction:
(1) One's relationship to Allah, through belief, worship, and following His Commands;
(2) One's relationship to others, through being good in one's dealings, good character, honesty, uprightness, and so on;
Therefore, it covers:
(1) Belief;
(2) Outward worship;
(3) Good character and manners (akhlaq);
(4) Good, upright dealings with others (mu`amalat), in accordance to the Sacred Law and guidance of the Beloved of Allah (peace and blessings unlimited be upon him, his family, companions, and followers);
(5) One's turning to Allah in all one's affairs (suluk).
Wassalam,
Faraz Rabbani
This answer was published by SunniPath and is preserved as written. Rulings can depend on circumstances; for your own situation, consult a qualified scholar.
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