RE: confusion about marriage partner and the question of loving someone before marrying them

In the Name of Allah, Most Merciful and Compassionate

Walaikum assalam,

The human being is made up of various faculties, which are closely linked. These include the heart, mind, body, and soul. The general goal of the believer is to maximize the good related to all these faculties, according to the standards of the guidance of the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace), as embodied in the Shariah in all its dimensions.

  Weigh the benefits

As such, you have to weigh the benefits of marrying this person in terms of your worldly future, and the stability and direction it will bring you.

Consider how this will impact on your religious practice and commitment to the religion of Allah and His Messenger (blessings and peace be upon him).

Consider the great rewards entailed in fulfilling the sunna of marriage, which is among the most beloved of matters to Allah and His Beloved Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace), because it is the means to the continuation of humanity and the establishment of righteous society.

Consider the great rewards of being a good wife and mother.

Consider the emotional fulfillment marriage brings, for each spouse is a ‘garment’ for the other, and humans have an essential need for this covering and the warmth, love, mercy, and fulfillment it brings to one’s life at all levels.

  Think things through and pray istikhara

You should think these things through, seek advice of those older, wiser, and more knowledgeable, and then pray istikhara. [See attached answers.]

  How about love?

Love is something that cannot be explained: it is beyond reason. If the person you marry is a responsible individual of good character, a committed Muslim, and you live a happy life, love will inevitably grow.

As Shaykh Ahmad Talal of Toronto (Canada) once said, “In the West, they say that love is a madness that ends with marriage. But in Islam, we say that love is a madness that only begins after marriage.” This is true and lasting love that is based on good and fulfillment at the level of heart, mind, body, and soul.

Like Walter Raleigh (d. 1618), the explorer and courtier, said in Walsinghame,

 

“But true love is a durable fire,

In the mind ever burning,

Never sick, never old, never dead,

From itself never turning.”

And the best of love is the love of Allah, and all love that is a means or part of this true love.

“And those who believe are overflowing in their love of Allah.” (Qur’an, 2.165)

And Allah alone gives success.

Wassalam,
Faraz Rabbani