My mother hates my husband, though I think he's fine....

Wa alaikum assalam sister,

As the saying goes, "No one will love the duniya (worldly matters) or you like your parents."

It sounds like your mother is actively trying to make sure you are happy and getting the help and attention that you need, but is having difficulty expressing this in the proper manner.

I would advise that you continue to be good to her and always speak politely no matter what she says. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) exhorted us all to be good to our parents, to make 70 excuses for others who grieve us, and to not be angry. So on your part, I would make 70 excuses for the words she is using, to see behind the heart of the message, which is usually that she wants the best for you.

Then when you respond to her, in a warm calm manner and sincerely thank her for her concern, but that everything is alright and that you are happy (or feel satisfied with the decision).

It also helps to make an istikhara prayer before all major decisions, because saying one has made istikhara sometimes weighs more than "my husband and I decided". She may be feeling that you don't need her or her advice, and this is her way of venting that emotion or state of unhappiness.

So always sincerely thank her for her opinion as she is a very important person to you, and that you and your husband will give her opinion consideration. By saying you have already decided, she would try harder to persuade you by trying to get her point across in a stronger manner (like cursing etc). So, to instead acknowledge (again warmly) that you understand her point of view and you will definitely discuss it with your husband, would give her the feeling that her opinions do count with you, and that you did not dismiss her suggestions. Again, your stating that she usually gets over it in a few days is indicative of her love for you and just wanting everything to be alright again.

I would also reassure your husband of your feelings, and that you do not share the criticisms of him. Then help him to also make 70 excuses for your mother and to understand how she may be seeing things, and how she just wants to have a more active role in your life. Of course I am not saying that she should, but that she should be made to feel like her opinion still counts with you, and that you and your husband will discuss it and reach the best decision (while ideally making istikhara).

If you have really treated your mother in the best way while handling this matter, I would not worry about any "curse", because one relies on Allah Most High's protection from such matters. If you have handled this situation in the best way for the sake of Allah, do you think He would leave you?

I hope and pray that you are able to work through this situation in the best way, and in the most pleasing manner to Allah Most High.

 

Umm Umar

Teaching Assistant

SunniPath Academy