My non-Muslim family, their life, and my wife

 

I am a relatively recent Swedish convert to Islam. I live with my wife at my family’s house. It is a social mess: my mother and sisters change (usually live-in) boyfriends like others change clothes, and though they are very good people in other ways they do not accept our Islamic behaviors or social conservativeness and non-acceptances of their unmoral ways… It is almost war at home… Advice, please!

In the Name of Allah, Most Merciful and Compassionate

Walaikum assalam,

Sometimes, lesser harm must be ignored to avoid greater harm. You and you wife should treat your family with excellence, even if they display anger towards you. Do not make an issue about their lifestyle: our way with non-Muslims is, as Sayyiduna Umar (Allah be pleased with him) said, "To leave them and that which they do." We do not involve ourselves in open sin with them, but let them be.

At the same time, we exhibit our Islam to them not through our words but through our actions and exemplary behavior. Our Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) saw of "tremendous character" and "a mercy to all humanity," as the Allah Himself describes him in the Qur'an. His followers must seek to be likewise.

Allah Most High says in the Qur'an to the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace), "It is from the mercy of Allah that you are lenient with them. Had you been stern and harsh, they would have fled from around you." [Qur'an, 3.159]

Deal with your family with excellence, wisdom, love, and mercy. These values are the essence of the example and way of the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace), as understood and implemented by the scholars of the traditional Sunni path.

At the same time, stand firmly by your wife, and accept nothing short of full reconciliation and acceptance between you two and your family.

I would urge you to:

a) read as much as possible about the life and example of the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace), such as in Martin Ling's biography, and Qadi Iyad's al-Shifa (translated).

b) get familiar with the writings at Sidi Mas’ud Khan’s excellent www.masud.co.uk and Sr. Fareena Alam’s comprehensive www.themodernreligion.com .

And Allah alone gives success.

Wassalam,
Faraz Rabbani