Having trouble consummating my marriage...

I got married about seven months ago. My husband and I have never consummated the marriage because I just can't bring myself to do it. I have deep-rooted fears of pain and embarrassment. He is very understanding and every so often we try but we don't get very far. I just don't feel like doing it. Is my marriage invalid? Is it wrong for me to deny this to my husband? what should we do?

Walaikum assalam wa rahmatullah,

This does not affect the legal validity of your marriage in any way.

Allah has blessed you with an understanding husband. Be thankful to Allah for this.

As for consummating the marriage and having a fulfilling sexual life, this is something that needs to be dealt with sensitively. It may be best to seek counseling for this matter: as you realize, sexual desires are as human as the need for food, and marriage is meant to enable both spouses to fulfill these desires in a wholesome manner. If they remain unfulfilled, it can cause great damage to the marriage.

After each prayer, make heart-felt private dua to Allah that He make this matter easy for you. Consider it an expression of your love for your husband, a fulfillment of your duty as a wife, as determined by Allah out of His Wisdom, and a means of emotional and physical self-fulfillment.

Be convinced that it is not difficult: everyone married goes through this, and it is meant to be something pleasurable, not painful. Especially given that Allah has granted you a loving and understanding husband, gradual yet sure steps towards consummation will mean that you experience fulfillment rather than frustration, and pleasure rather than pain.

And Allah alone gives success.

Wassalam,
Faraz Rabbani