Avoid Loving that which is not lawful
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Question
I am almost 24 yrs of age and have deep feelings for a sister. I want to be able to free myself from these feelings/inclinations towards her and love only the Rasul (SAW) and Allah and only things that which are lawful for me to love such as immediate family etc. I understand its not unlawful to have feelings for potential spouses but I want to be able to control my feelings until I am married. I have recently purchased islamic CD's by Sheikh Yaqoubi to increase my spirituality but i want practical methods to be able to control my emotions better. I'm not sure but I think sufis are able to control their desires and emotions quite well so any sufi practices that i can do myself etc. or anything that i can do to rid my illicit emotions. I also have strong physical desires and I want to become more ascetic. How can I be more ascetic without migrating? Please help dear brothers.
Answer
In the Name of Allah, the Gracious, the Merciful.
Dear Brother,
I pray this message finds you well.
It is perfectly natural to have feelings towards a member of the opposite sex, particularly if one is interested in marrying that person.
However, it is what we do with these feelings that really counts.
1. You did not indicate that you were engaged to the sister. Since I don't how far along you are in your marriage plans, it is definitely advisable to try to limit the extent to which you are thinking about the sister. It's not that you can't pray for her and wish her well. But you do want to try to limit romantic thoughts until it becomes halal to act upon them, that is, when you have married her.
2. I'm sure that Shaykh Yaqoubi's cd's will be helpful in this regard. As far as practical advice is concerned, I can only offer what the Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him eternal peace, taught us. The best method of controlling desire is by fasting, especially the sunna fasts of Monday, Thursday, and the middle days of each lunar month.
3. As far as Sufi practices are concerned, why not talk to someone more knowledgeable?What I can tell you from what I have observed of Sufis is that they apply the Qura'nic verse:
"Men who celebrate the praises of Allah, standing, sitting, and lying down on their sides, and contemplate the (wonders of) creation in the heavens and the earth, (With the thought): "Our Lord! not for naught Hast Thou created (all) this! Glory to Thee! Give us salvation from the penalty of the Fire."
(Aal Imran, 3:191)
Along with frequent remembrance of Allah, salawat upon the Messenger, Allah bless him and give him peace, and voluntary acts of prayer and fasting, it is important to have someone who can encourage you along your path. Why not find a teacher who can help you learn this discipline?
Last but not least, if the time has come in your life where you need companionship, then ask Allah Most High to give you the means to get married. Take practical steps in this regard.
I pray that Allah Most High gives us all the best of this world and the best of the hereafter and saves us from the punishment of the fire.
And Allah knows best.
This answer was published by SunniPath and is preserved as written. Rulings can depend on circumstances; for your own situation, consult a qualified scholar.
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